


The Nobody's Dream

by Liala



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Human Cole, Hurt/Comfort, More tags to be added, Psychological Torture, Slow Burn, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:49:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3705685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liala/pseuds/Liala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cole was made human by the Inquisitor he was given a chance to be more, to grow and learn and be him.  After being captured by unknown forces Cole is left hurt and damaged, but he will grow and learn from the experience.  So he turns to his family, the friends who led him down his new path to guide him forward, discovering new feelings on the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cold Stones

**Author's Note:**

> I have to admit I am a huge fan of Cole! I know there is debate over whether Cole should/ should not be a romance option, but in my head and fanfic I can dream. I've just finished reading Asunder (Must recommend!) which changed my whole view of his character in the game and has influenced my writing of Cole. This is a longer piece for me so please enjoy the story and I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> (Yes, I do yell, "Leave my precious angel alone!" at the TV. Frequently.)
> 
> Please note italics indicate Cole's thoughts/ mind dialogue.

_Cold stones sing with fetid blood. Screams in the dark, no way out, only pain. Let them forget me, let them forget me, I don’t want to hurt anymore._

      Cole woke with a scream scratching his already raw throat, the sound a screech against chapped lips. Metal scraped against stone, his wrists heavy and sore.   Heavy lids fought to remain open as he panicked, the dark suffocating, crushing against his chest. Too many similarities, too many memories of the dark, of the fear and abandonment. Cole listened carefully for other signs of life, both the obvious and more subtle. He listened, and he listened and wished he did not feel scared, yet he could not hear any breathing nor heartbeats in the dark. He was alone in his room and the thoughts of others were too far away and muffled for him to hear.

     Time was difficult to measure in the dark, taking his time he gingerly stretched each muscle assessing damage and becoming accustomed to the dark again. There was a time when the dark and shadows were his only friend, in the pit of the spire, before Rhys. Rhys had opened his world to the light, to the possibility of being something more. To be more than the ghost of the spire and more than a spirit living off the dead. But he had lost Rhys, he had lost Evangeline and wandered alone until he met _her._

     Alayne Lavellan, the Herald of Andraste, was a blinding light in the sea of the twisted Templars corrupted by the red song. She helped where they caused hurt, she didn’t turn him away. Cole could be Cole and he was helping and learning how to help more. He watched her help, fought by her side, saw her grow. Kind words, kind deeds, compassion, she fascinated him. _How could one so small bear so much? So many knots and hurts, yet no one sees nor unties the knots within._ He felt them, like a faint voice in a large crowd, a whimper in a sea of sound. Hard to hear, but there. Flashes or bursts of thoughts would breakthrough when he concentrated or she was vulnerable, but she was there. Always worrying about him, always caring and guiding him.

     Whispers carried in the darkness, voices drew nearer, deep voices echoing in the empty corridors. Thumps like thunder, as boots and iron clashed with stone. The tongue was one he was not familiar with but sounded harsh but with rhythm, like Dorian when he cursed at The Iron Bull. Clenching his fists he readied himself for what lay beyond the heavy door, he would not go without a fight. Keys rattled on a chain before grinding within the lock, the door revealing two heavily armed men and a mage.

     “My, my what a pretty bird we have here.” Smirked the Mage. _Pretty eyes, colour of the ocean, young and easy to break._ Cole’s mind drifted as the Mage slipped into a dream of Cole and ropes that cut too deep. He held his tongue fighting the words from flowing freely, from making the Mage’s words real. Cole fought against his nature and his bonds, the metal scraping and ringing endlessly off the cold walls. A disappointed sigh accompanied pain, searing pain through his joints, muscles forcing a scream from his lips. It hurt. It hurt. The Mage stood over him, the crackling electricity dancing from his hands as he released the chain.

“Much better, I do not much care for disobedience boy.” He stated coldly, eyes always assessing, ever watching. “Now, what was a pretty thing like you doing wandering the Exalted Plains? Your companions were certainly…unusual.” He grinned maliciously. Cole remained silent. “Pity.” Electric sparked, Cole screamed. “Again, why were you investigating the Elvhen ruins with the Inquisition?”

“No.” replied Cole, through clenched teeth. The air burnt. “No.” he forced out.

“You are too wiry to be a soldier, not enough armour or weapons. Clearly not obedient enough to be a whore. Hmmm.” The man beat a lazy path pondering his thoughts as Cole bit back bile.

 _“Fair skin searing, smelling like the finest meat, tenderise the muscles, make him weak, heal him and repeat. Perhaps give him to the men soften him first._ NO!” screeched Cole, his words flowing past pain hazed lips.

The Mage stared disbelieving his thoughts voiced aloud, but muddied. He focused intently. Cole began to weep as the hurts flooded his mind. His own hurts.

“ _Hands bound, body bare, pitiful cries against harsh restraints. Leather cracks skin rends. Bleeds like any other._ STOP!” he begged.

“Very interesting, a sympathetic ear to others thoughts. First of hurts. What of other things?”

     Hours blurred as the Mage probed his mind, with images of varying severity, things which hurt, things to make him angry. His captor becoming adept in manipulating his feelings. His cheeks were wet, Cole supposed they were tears, he had shed many, his hair damp with salt and sweat, voice a whimper as his body is wracked with sobs. It was wrong, he felt wrong, so many hurts, so many that were unreal, that were unwanted. Stomach was hurting like acid, threatening to burst. He imagined this is what it would feel like to vomit.

“Hmph, you get a reprieve boy. For now.” The heavy door closed and he was alone again, for the first time he was grateful for the isolation, to be safe in the shadows once again. Curling into a ball he let go of the pain and tried to rid himself of the sickness. He still did not eat, hunger unknown to him but his stomach would not settle. Whispering to the darkness he called for Alayne, his guardian, the watcher who brought him back from the dark time after time. Her smile, the wide look of joy and elation at his presence grounded him proved to him he was real. She remembered.

 _Lips like snowberries, rich and warm, skin soft like a peach, breath sweetly so. Fingers warm and wrapped around his, grounded real. She sees him, knows him, heals his hurts. Startling emerald eyes that know and understand, raven locks soft and tousled._ The memories ease his hurt, she always made him feel safe, like he was wanted. Ribs ached, he coughed and the sound was wet, sticky. Heavy fingers pulled, clawed at his mind as he began to drift, his rabbit heart mind silenced.


	2. Strawberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some flashbacks....

The next time he wakes it is images that force his lids open, as fire licked his skin. With a howl, he fights against the restraints until the heat stops.

“Good morning pretty thing. Or Cole was it?” the man commented. Cole gasped when he heard his name. “Yes, I know your name. An operative of the Inquisition gave it up after a little _persuasion_ , it seems they are looking for you.” The man rolled an apple in his hand. “It seems she, the knife –ear Inquisitor herself is looking for you, making you more valuable than I had thought.” The was a soft pop, cold glass pressed against his lips. “Drink, I need you alive.” Cold elfroot flooded his mouth and Cole drank greedily, the last drops dancing on his tongue before another is pressed against his lips. Pain recedes, he feels magic against his skin as burns fade.

“Thank you.” He chokes, but the man laughs.

“There are other ways to hurt you which require fewer marks and lasting scars. Your uniqueness leaves you vulnerable. But that, is for later. I must scout the plains see where the enemy is.”

With that he was alone again, eyes becoming hazy once more as he drifted into memory.  Someplace safe.

~*~

“Cole!” called Alayne, her voice familiar and full of concern. Despite hiding in the darkest corner of the tavern she still found him. “Healing hurts for people?”

“Yes,” he replied, straightforward and clear. He was learning to make his thoughts clear.

“And you? Are you well?”

“I am me, if that is a good thing. Varric is teaching me how to be more real, things hurt more now but I’m learning.”

“I’m glad.” She sounded relieved, like a knot of hurt undone. He smiled sheepishly. For weeks now since he became more real she had checked on him, fearful her choice had hurt him or worse was against his wishes. Cole was relieved he could help, though it was more difficult now that he stuck in people’s minds. He shadowed her, helped how she helped, he could help the hurts beneath, the ones she missed and be there for her.  It was enough.

At first it was strange, a feeling he did not know, didn’t understand. Like warmth pooling in his chest, making him feel whole and complete whenever she was near. He found himself willing her to look at him and wanting to be found. When he explained to Varric the dwarf laughed, and gave him books to read, but words did not help him understand. But the feeling grew and he found himself consumed by it. Was this how it felt to be turned into a demon? To desire one thing completely? How did others stand it without going mad?

One morning he understood. Listening to Cassandra read was a pleasure, she made the strange words and phrases, more real. She had chosen one of her favourite tales by Varric, Swords and Shields, a romance story. Cole had seen many mages at the tower seek each other out for such acts but even after being told why he simply did not understand the feeling, perhaps because he did not know it. He knew he cared for Varric and Rhys and Evangeline, he would do anything to protect them. But love, was unknown to him, even the real Cole did not know much of true love. As Cassandra read he braided little red flowers in her hair just as she liked, her gasps and enjoyment of the story as he let himself fall into the tale. Yet where he normally pictured the faces Cassandra chose he found the guard captain taking on a different face, _one framed by raven hair and snowberry lips,_ he shrugged it off as his mind developing imagination and allowed his mind to wander. He gasped when Cassandra reached the romance scene, _slender elvhen hips_ replaced the stronger Fereldan ones. _Slender curves and lithe limbs on a short but sturdy frame, green markings mar her pale skin tracing soft contours like a tree in autumn. Bright emerald globes stare expectantly as a hand grasps her breast, her fingers tangling in blond locks._ Blonde locks? He sighed as he slipped further into the dream his fingers making mistakes as the scene played before him, Alayne and his bodies intertwined just like the mages in the tower. Cole disappeared, though Cassandra barely noticed.

He avoided Alayne for days, each time he saw her at a distance his dream would become real once more and his heart felt like it was going to burst, the heat in his chest a blazing fire compared to its early embers. The more he avoided her the better his chest felt, but he could fell her hurt growing. Conflicted he sought her out, her hurt dimming her bright light. She could not falter.

When he found her she was sat at her desk, brow furrowed with piles of paper swamping the free surfaces. A half-drunk bottle of wine sat balanced on a stack of papers a rivulet of red seeping from glass to page.

“Alayne” he whispered as she yelped, her relief immediate seeing him.

“Cole!” she leapt from her chair to his position in the centre of the room. “I mis…how are…where…” questions began and died on her lips as he felt her heart lighten.

“I missed you.” He told the truth.

“I’ve missed you too.” She replied taking his hand, his skin immediately warming to her touch. Sitting them gently on her couch she faced her friend. “Where have you been Cole, I was worried, I thought…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why Cole, you have done nothing wrong?”

“I avoided you, deliberately. It hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“But why? Did I offend you da’len?”

“No, I felt, different. I asked Varric, he gave me books but it didn’t help me understand. Then I heard Cassandra’s books, images like mages sneaking away in the tower, but instead of the characters I knew they changed…It unsettled me.” Alayne listened patiently to his confession, he could feel her unease, but the knot of fear was untied, he didn’t hate her, she was happier knowing this. But there was a new fear, a reticence. What did he mean by unsettled? She smiled, her grip on his hand comfortable, he did not want her to stop. As she stared into his eyes he remembered the scene, her parted lips their kiss. “Can I kiss you?”

“What?” she spluttered her cheeks redder. “Cole what do you mean by that?”

“I mean, I want to try, kissing. It seems nice, I…I want to try. With you.”

Alayne remained speechless her light a swirling shape and twisting knot of feelings washed over her.

“Shouldn’t it be with someone you love or care about?”

“I asked Varric what my feeling was, and I’m learning, but find a warmth, like what Cassandra’s characters feel, when I’m near you. Only you.” Alayne blushed again her ivory skin aglow. “Please.”

“I…Cole…”

 _“Eyes wide with need, Mythal is it true he wants me? Never thought it would happen, can he love? Don’t want to hurt him, never him._ You won’t hurt me.” He stroked her cheek gently, his calloused fingers caressing her soft skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Gently she leaned towards him, her eyes searching his for any changes, any signs of a change. She mimicked his caress and he leaned into her touch a small gasp escaped as he relished the warmth spreading through his skin. She licked her lips wetting the chapped skin, as he traced a finger under her lip. “You are beautiful” she smiled at his honesty. Her lips pressed to his and he froze, the warmth at the base of his belly igniting, her lips felt solid against his, not soft as the stories described. Her thumb rhythmically stroked his cheek reassuring him as she pulled away, as he tried to keep her close, the smell of her spiced perfume drove him crazy. “No,” he whimpered trying to pull her back.

“Cole, copy what I do.” She tilted her head softly, her lips relaxed and partially open. This time he came to her, closing the distance swiftly closing the gap between the two crushing his lips into hers. She squeaked as she urged him back the distance softening the kiss. It was wonderful, his blood becoming liquid fire as she felt good, smelt divine, he hoped she tasted sweet. With little elegance he darted his tongue along her lip. She tasted like strawberries.

~*~

A sharp kick to his rib woke him from his memory, the feeling of her remembered warmth leaving him swiftly. He growled as he tested his bonds, his strength greater than before.

“Good,” laughed the Mage. “You’re awake. Let us begin.” The mage took a seat on a simple wooden chair in the centre of the room. Cole braced himself against the stone wall knowing what was to come next, as images filled his mind. He let the words and feelings flow through him, like a stream, while he held onto the image of her and the taste of strawberries. “The effect is not as potent today. I wonder why.” Cole merely waited, the Mage was always coming up with new ideas.

Bile boiled as the next wave passed over him.

 _“Lithe limbs bound, head covered. Small and fragile like a mouse caught in an elaborate net, wrists bound and suspended, feet hovering. Meat hung for flaying. I’m bound and dragged to the ground forced on my back to see the butcher at work. Leather trails over my flesh, plaited and steel tipped, renders skin to the bone better than the finest knife. Cloth drops away, the hung one shouts, he body covered by little. She screams as the first lash cuts her back, and another and another as red drops down like bloody tears. I hear her cry, her head hanging as flesh flaps from being split. With a cheer the bag is removed and_ NO!” screamed Cole. “NO NO NO!” The mage focused his will knowing even if he didn’t say the words they were still there. _“Alayne’s eyes go wide, she sees me and tries to reassure but the pain is too much and she’s crying. Flail leaves her body as metal hisses, red hot scissors move to her face. “Let’s trim these fucking ears.” Mused the attacker. I fight but am stuck and she flails weakly as the scissors pinch and she screams. Copper and iron flood my nostrils as her blood runs like a stream…_ STOP PLEASE…” he begged. “STOP STOP STOP STOP.”

“Seems I found a weakness.” As the Mage pressed further the sound of distant echoes of pain seeped through his own. Cole screamed.

“Magister!” a guard cried from the hallway. “Inquisition forces are breaching the fortress.”

“Get everyone ready.” he ordered.

“Everyone is, it’s..” a high pitched whistle and the guard grew silent. The Magister roared his hands flaring with magic ready with an unbound flame.

“No!” shouted Cole. “Don’t hurt her!”

“Oh, my dear pretty thing. Of course I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vengence will soon be had for my precious one!!


	3. Never Again

“COLE!” Alayne’s voice called through the doorway. “COLE ANSWER ME!”

“She sounds near, your pretty knife-ear.” Hissed the Magister in Cole’s ear, the man clutched a dagger at the youth’s throat, as Cole searched desperately for a way to warn Alayne.

“ _Shadows in the doorway, another body hits the ground. Where is he? What if? No can’t be must be alive, I can hear him. Definitely a trap.”_ He repeated the lines as loudly as he could hoping to draw her closer.

“Good bring her close.” Hissed the Magister placing runes on the ground. “Silence from you now.” He hissed casting a silence spell over Cole and no matter how he tried to speak he could not.

Footfalls drew closer, the taste of lyrium and fire filled his nostrils as the familiar elfin figure filled the doorway, bow draw, face contorted with rage. Even now she was beautiful, her eyes ablaze. He flailed against his captor trying to warn her of the danger, she was a few steps away from the rune that would scorch her flesh from bone. But she was fixated, her concentration on him and the dagger pressing at his flesh.

“Let him go you Tevinter Scum.” She growled, her voice feral, her bow drawn.

“Oh and why should I?” purred the mage drawing the flat of the blade gently across Cole’s neck without a cut. “See with this boy’s special skills I’m sure his blood will be very potent.”

Cole could feel Alayne’s distress, and anger boiling inside, she was thinking of cruel things to do to the mage, her anger fuel by her happiness that he was alive, and that she had disappointed him. Further shouts echoed as Solas and Varric joined the fray, both vying to see their precious boy forcing Alayne further into the room, further towards danger.

“Jesus Kid, thank the Maker we found you.” Sighed Varric with a sigh of relief. “Bull is going to be pleased, once he’s finished ripping the Tevinter bastards apart upstairs. Though I must say Bianca is itching for a go at some Magister meat.”

“WHERE IS MY PRECIOUS BOY?” roared Bull charging into room forcing Alayne too far as Cole wordlessly screamed. Fire engulfed her small frame, burning and smouldering as Varric and Bull jumped back. The Magister laughed wickedly in Cole’s ear the whole time, his grip relaxing just enough for Cole to press forward, the blade grazing his throat as he rolled to the side, the chains still keeping him on a leash. With heavy gears and levers the surprised mage bore his expression until death. Bianca’s bolt lodged in the man’s head, Alayne’s familiar green and red fletchings protruding from his heart.

“Alayne!” shouted Cole pulling against the chains as the flames receded. His precious friend was smoking, steam rising from her collar as green light licked along her skin, as the archer gasped for air, her lungs reclaiming oxygen as she gasped.

“Thanks…Solas…” she coughed weakly as she regained composure.

“Rare, just how I like my meat.” Laughed Varric as he went to work on Cole’s manacles.

“Sorry, Boss.” Added Bull coming down from his blood lust.

“It’s alright, just glad Solas has such indomitable focus.” She laughed, but Cole knew she was frightened inside. Checking the Magister’s corpse she stuffed some loose papers in her pocket before taking Cole’s hand in her own. With practiced hands she used the thin metal to tease the lock into opening. The companions said nothing focusing on the task at hand, Cole winced as the flesh against his wrists hurt. “Solas, a potion if you would.” Ordered Alayne, as Solas pressed cold glass to his lips.

Cole wanted to burst with questions, his head spinning from so many hurts, so many worries. His friend’s fears made real, but overwhelming after his ordeal. He was tired, and sickened by his torturers dreams.

“Please stop!” whined Cole clasping hands to his head. “You’re all too loud, too many hurts I can’t unravel, too many worries I can’t fix.” He gasped as the sound sharpened.

“Alright Cole, someone needs to stay, the others will get our dashing escape ready. OK, who is quietest?”

“S-Solas, quiet like a sad song.”

“Ok, Solas help him move. I don’t know how many more Vints there could be and I don’t want to risk it. Varric, Bull, you will help me get the wagon and paint the walls with anyone we find.”

“Understood Boss.”

The men retreated as Solas continued his treatment, Alayne gave him one last lingering look, as if convincing herself he were real and not going to vanish before her eyes. Turning he watched her mutter to herself, her hurts visible behind the light. Cole wanted to just hold her, to help but he could barely help himself. Soft lips pressed against cheek, elfroot, spices and copper filling his nose as she kissed him. With sad smile she left bow in hand, reassured he would not disappear.

Solas worked silently as Cole felt the tickles as magic strengthened him, the song smooth and calm as Solas manipulated the fade.

“You should be able to move easier, but we shall take it slow. You were surprisingly free of wounds.”

“He healed me, but hurt me in other ways.”

Solas snarled, his placid expression replaced by a wilder creature, one he did not dare show the others. “If they were not already dead I would kill them again. I am sorry Cole. We tried to track them but were hindered.” The older elf placed a hand under Cole’s arms hoisting him to his feet and bracing his body as they walked through the door. Solas was careful to ease them through the narrow doorways even as Cole’s feet would not listened and stumbled like a newborn foal.

The stones felt warmer under Cole’s fingers as they ascended the tower, his eyes squinting as he readjusted to the daylight. Distant shouts rang out as they heard the other members of the team raising hell. Keeping to the shadows they made their way to the court yard, Cole wincing at his ribs. Alayne roared unleashing a hail of arrows turning a soldier into a pin cushion.

“We will have to run, can you do that Cole?”

“Yes.” He breathed, grasping his ribs. When an opening appeared they ran, Cole's side burning as he gasped for air. As they neared the carriage Alayne held a waiting hand pulling him up and into the wagon shortly followed by Solas.

“GO VARRIC!” shouted Alayne as she crouched bracing herself against the wooden sides as the large wheels rattled over cobbles. The cool air of the exalted plain washed away the stench of death that he did not realise surrounded him. Cole breathed deeply as the fresh air tasted finer than any buffet at Halamshiral, the dank dungeon left behind him as they fled from the old ruins and into the plains.

Cole felt Alayne’s pledge with silent prayer. “ _Never again will he be lost.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now moving towards something lighter and fluffier....


	4. Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a delay, apologies. Lots of things going awry in real life. Please enjoy.

The carriage rattled along the rough terrain, not slowing until the fort was well below the horizon. Solas worked his magic while Alayne kept a vigilant watch. As the horses tired they set up camp for the evening near a small lake bountiful with blood lotus and other herbs that could restock their supplies. Dark was falling fast, the full moon glowing faintly above them as the stars scattered over the sky. Cole had stayed close to Alayne as much as possible while awake, when asleep he chased nightmares as the magisters tortures seeping into his dreams. Each time he awoke with a scream, dagger drawn calling out for her. He needed to see her, needed to know she was safe, that what happened wasn't real before he would relax.

 

Cole sat slumped around the fire, Varric and Solas tried to coax him into sharing more of his experience in order to help him better. Yet the words tasted like ash in her mouth heavy and poisonous. Would they be real if he said them? The forest of the emerald plains felt alive, noises drifted through the branches as exotic plants glinted like jewels. Picking at the ground with a stick he was allowing the thoughts of the others to wash over him as he listened for her. Alayne had promised she would return before prowling on the hunt, her emerald eyes glowing in the night. It had been an hour as the others set camp but she had yet to return, though her light was bright in the woods she was happy.

 

Another hour passed and he heard her footsteps crunch on the leaves, her normally feather light footfalls loud so not to frighten the others as she entered the clearing covered in blood. Cole leapt to his feet _had his thoughts become truth?_ His mind raced ahead as he grabbed her hands roving searching for wounds.

"Sha sha Cole, I am fine, it is the beasts blood. She comforted, the ram she dragged bled heavily as one leg was missing. "I left a sacrifice for fen'harels kin, we should be safe tonight." Solas snorted in distaste at her dearly beloved beliefs. Cole wanted to hurt him for hurting her, his anger rising and falling as he found no wounds. Handing the carcass to the others she cupped cole's face "I am well Da'len. None have hurt me." Her eyes burning into his, the cold dread soothes by warmth. "I am going to the lake to bathe." She declared grabbing fresh linens. "I have my bow." As if that was all the assurance he needed.

 

Cole felt his heart race as his own hurts chiseled away at the warmth she gave. _No, no, she's gone again, can't see her, need to know, need to know._ He fretted stomping back and forth ignoring Solas's commands as his mind raced fearful his thoughts becoming reality. The elder elf scowled as he moved to aid Varric his counsel ignored. Slipping into the shadows he made them forget he was awake before following Alayne in the moonlight.

 

Stepping quietly as not to make her afraid he traced her footsteps easily by the trampled foliage that cleared onto the lakeside. The gravel basin was smaller than the lake in the hinterlands but pristine with a small waterfall and gravel banks. Keeping to the soil he crept closer searching for Alayne in the silver light. His breath caught when a shadow moved beside him, emerald eyes bright in the low light scanning with a blade. _Forget the sound_. He commanded internally and she lowered her dagger cursing her stupidity. Cole could smell the faint hint of her spiced power on her skin dulled by the coppery blood on her clothes. He wanted to hold her inhaling her scent and tasting her lips over and over.

 

"Finally!" He heard her mutter as he pivoted on the balls of his feet to face her. He had to roll forward to prevent himself falling on his arse. Alayne was stripping preparing to bathe. The moonlight danced oin her pale skin like a soft caress as she removed her bloody clothing her undergarments the only things remaining in place. Cole clasped a hand over his mouth, words unbidden rising from his chest, things he wanted to whisper to her, to shout and scream so all of Thedas would know. Tiptoeing to the waters edge Alayne tested the water, the dim light highlighting her muscular bag. Placing her arrows near the waterside she removed her breast band and underwear before jumping into the water. Her yelps as the cold water bit into her skin were like music to his ears and he smiled.

 

Droplets of water clung to her body like pearls glistening in the dark. Her dexterous fingers laced through her thick locks untangling knots and softening the clotted blood. She began to hum as her hands trailed over her body and Cole found himself wanting to touch too. Alayne yelped in pain as something stung her foot, fear slammed into him like druffalo, her cries and screams at the hand of his torturer, reality slipping away. Bursting from the shadows, discarding his hat, he waded through the water desperate to get to her.   Wide eyed and shocked she tried to cover herself ducking into the water as she shouted his name. Ignoring her protests she scooped her into his arms lifting her to the shallows so he could check.

 

Nimble hands drifted over her body as she stood still, his fear apparent as he searched every place the Magister vowed to leave a mark. Her thighs were soft to his touch, no welts or broken limbs, her toes still attached. Her abdomen was whole, no gashes or incisions or skinned flesh. Her back was whole, taught muscles rather than flayed flesh, her perfect ears unclipped. She mound as he caressed them marvelling at their untained beauty as wet hands cupped his face, wide eyed he looked at her face, eyes glowing as she stared at him.

"Cole Da'len?" She asked seeking his attention. "Are you back with me?"

"Yes, Alayne."

"You have some questions to answer dear one." She ran her thumb under his eye catching an unbidden tear. What frightened you so? I have never seen you so scared."

"I... I... Was afraid. I couldn't tell if it was real or the world he put in me."

"The Magister? You mean the things he made you see?"

"Yes. He... He..."

"ir abelas, Da'len. She comforted wrapping her arms around his neck. He felt his hurts pull as he wrapped himself around her crying for his pain. "It's ok Cole. Let out the hurt."

He cried for the first time since the days spent travelling with Rhys and the horror of the fade nightmare. Her warmth spread into him as she held him unquestioningly, though he felt her shiver gently remembering she was naked.

"Thank you." He nuzzled her neck, she gasped under his touch.

“Cole, ah, would you return to camp? I not appropriately dressed and you are rather wet.” She giggled trying to gently push him away.

“No.” he breathed against her neck, his nose tracing her throat, her pulse racing as he pressed his lips to hers. Sweet and gentle, the feeling of her against him. A sustaining thought while captured he darted his tongue out tasting her lips, his hands trailing down her shoulders. A soft gasp, a tilt of the head, their tongues melded licking and teasing each other as his hands drifted down her sides grazing her breasts as she gripped his tunic.

“Cole.” She gasped as his hands cupped her breasts. “What?”

“They’re soft!” he exclaimed in excitement squeezing them gently. “I thought they were like armour.” He squeezed tentatively enjoying the texture of her creamy globes, his thumbs circled her hardening nipples admiring the contrast. Focused in his task he paused when he heard a breathy gasp, Alayne’s eyes wide and lustful.

“Cole.” She whispered as his hands continued unbidden. “We shouldn’t, I don’t want to take advantage.”

Cole kissed her warmly again as he continued exploring her chest, rough and gentle squeezing as he pinched and stroked her rosy cheeks. Acting on impulse he pulled away tearing his shirt off craving the feel of her skin on his. He held her close, where their skin met, heat blossomed radiating though his body chasing the nightmares away. For a moment he just held her revelling in their heat.

“Please can I hold you like this?” he asked. “It feels good, takes away the shadows.”

“A-alright but can we kneel down, I’m cold.”

He nodded kneeling in the shallow water, their bodies submerged between the dark liquid, crushed close by Cole.

“He showed me thing, thoughts and deliberate hurts to the others and to you. Hurts that weren’t real but seemed real, hard to tell, have to check.” She rested her head against his shoulder her hips tracing his hips as he shivered unsure whether it was from her touch or his memory. “They cut you, whipped you, and docked your ears. All while I watched and it hurt because it felt so real.” His eyes were wide with fear.

“Well you did check me, I had no injuries. I am alive and well Da’len.” She pressed their foreheads together.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re alive.” She replied, he could hear the subtle change in her voice as a tear fell. “I thought, I was so scared I lost you.”

“You kept me alive.” He kissed her. “Holding on to what I knew was real.”

She kissed him this time her warm tongue pressing against his chapped lips, opening his lips their tongues met and he was lost in her kiss. Running his fingers over her skin, over her breasts she mimicked him, her fears forgotten he could feel her hum with happiness as she traced his scars and muscles. Cole grew frustrated not only by the water dulling his touch but the insistent tightness of his trousers. Lifting her near the edge of the lake he lay her in the shallows as she stretched against the gravel. The clear water cupped her body, but her creamy skin was exposed. He looked closely realising more about what hid under her armour scars and marks that she hid carefully. Swiftly he removed his breeches the relief was tangible but at least his smalls didn’t crus him.

 

Dipping down next to Alayne he touched her as she reciprocated, marvelling at his touch as he quietly worshipped her. _There are no wounds, there are no hurts, she is safe, the strawberry kiss was real._ He focused on remembering this, to know she was safe and define what was real. She giggled lifting his hand to her shoulder.

“Your scar, it’s similar to mine.” She ran his finger over her scar as she traced his. “How did you get it?”

“Lord Seeker Lambert stabbed me with his ebony sword. Before he told me what I was and I lost Rhys. He was an asshole.” She smiled kissing him. “And you?”

“I misjudged the reach of a bear, its longest talon caught me. I was still a child learning the hunt. My Hahren said ‘at least I would learn from it.’” She giggled as he kissed the old wound as she wove her fingers through his hair stroking rhythmically as he travelled further kissing her breast like he had seen others do. Her giggles turning to moans as she bucked against him. “Cole,” she breathed. “I…”

“ _Want to touch, want to hold. A kiss won_ _’t change him but what if I change him?_ I am me, Alayne. I choose this. I choose you. I love you, you keep me safe, you remember.”

He saw the fear dance inside, she was afraid he didn’t understand or couldn’t consent. She cared about his choice about what he wanted and it made him want to cry. All the time in the tower he hoped someone would see him, know him and remember. More than Rhys, more than those who faced his blade. Friends. “You remember and make me real. More real than anything. I understand.”

She opened her mouth to respond, his heart pumped in his chest loudly like thunder.

“What is going on here?” the terse voice of Solas slicing through their intimacy.

“Fenedhis! Solas!” squeaked Alayne trying to cover herself as Cole watched his friend with anger.

“Inquisitor this is highly inappropriate.” He chastised. “We must speak about this.”

Cole could feel her hurt, shame, lust, disappointment, sadness. She was so vibrant in his arms yet Solas tore it down.

“Solas” he growled, “you have no place here.”

“Nor do you Cole. Get dressed and go rest. Think carefully before you make us forget again.”

His jaw clenched the elf was right, but he did not want to leave her.

“Solas I will meet you at camp. Please leave while I dress.” She replied, her mask of indifference in place.

“Not without Cole. I cannot trust you two it seems.”

“I AM NOT A CHILD!” he screamed. He was tired of others choosing, others dictating what he could and couldn’t know. They assumed too much just as Solas did. “I am me, I am Cole. I understand.”

“A child shouts and forces others to their will. Get your clothes.”

Alayne’s warm hand brushed his skin. “Go, this will be easier when we are dressed. I will be there soon, besides…” she leant forward whispering in his ear as Solas waited impatiently grasping his hat.

“Alright.” He dived back into the water retrieving his shirt and breeches before traipsing out of the water. “Let’s go.” He grumbled storming back to camp. He would dress later, he needed Solas gone.


	5. I am me

By the time Solas and Cole had reached the camp, Cole had managed to shrug on his shirt and paused to do his breeches, the laces still undone. Varric was pacing back and forth around the fire, the spit of meat hissing on the fire as Bull sat impassive.

“Thank the maker you’re alright!” sighed the dwarf relieved. Cole felt guilty he had been so focused on Alayne he had not thought of hurting others. “You’ve just survived torture kid, don’t make us forget.” Varric patted Cole on the shoulder. “We were worried.”

“I’m sorry.” And he genuinely was.

Alayne slinked silently back to camp, her body cleansed and hair braided tight, her face impassive as Solas met her at the edge of the camp. His features were set, focused and Cole could tell it was not going to be a pleasant talk. His body moved before he willed it too, stepping towards Alayne afraid of her disappearing.

“Eyes on me Cole.” Growled Bull stepping between them. “They won’t be long, but it seems they need to talk.”

“He’s going to hurt her, not with magic but with words. _Foolish children, fumbling in the dark. They should know better should know the risks. She should have known it was wrong._ He’s going to hurt her, which will hurt me.”

“Cole.” The Iron Bull’s voice was softer than his usually demanding self. “What is going on with them?” he pointed to the retreating figures.

“Solas is angry, he doesn’t like that we touched. I like her, like how you like Dorian or the bar maids. Being near her burns but in a nice way, makes me real.”

“What did you do?” Varric sounded incredulous and fascinated.

“We kissed, it was nice like honey on strawberries. She tasted nice, she liked it too, smiling and hugging. She didn’t treat me like a child. But he is. He thinks I don’t understand when I do.”

“You kissed her? I think I owe Dorian some money.” Bull mused scratching his chin. “What did she think?”

“She was happy, smiling and pleased. Worried but pleased.” He fiddled with the cuff of his jumper, his stomach churning with worry.

“I’m happy for you Cole, genuinely. But I can see why Solas is pissed.” Rumbled Bull, “He caught his precious boy being led astray.”

“Well,” sighed Varric. “That’s what you get when you have a kid as precious as Cole.”

“Still, the Inquisitor? You picked a good woman Cole. I’m impressed.”

Time dragged as he waited for Alayne, The Iron Bull was trying to explain to him the finer points of courting as he asked questions. For all their exploring that night he was still surprised by many things. Varric at times would reassure him or rephrase things to make more sense but he smiled knowing he was learning. Feeling he could be more.

Solas returned alone, his face set in a heavy frown. Frustration rolled off him, he was clearly dissatisfied with their talk.

“Where is she?” Cole asked his voice raised in panic. What had he done with her?

“She is in the forest, our discussion did not go to her liking.” The elf sat, gratefully accepting the bowl of proffered food.

Cole let his mind drift away into the shadows seeking the hurt, she should stand out like a beacon in the night but instead all he felt was a void. “I can’t, I can’t,” he mumbled.

“What is it?” questioned Varric.

“I can’t feel her, normally she is burning but there is _nothing...”_

“She needed time to reflect on her choices.”

“What choices she has made? None... except...” he threw his friend a deathly glare. “You are making her think about me! To change her mind about me!!” he screeched incredulously.

“You are a spirit Cole, no matter how human you get, she is toeing a dangerous line. One that could lead to your corruption into a demon.”

“You don’t know that!! I’ve been like a demon! I’m not like that now!”

“Plus you don’t know that Chuckles, the amulet didn’t work because he was more human like, now more than ever. He won’t turn.”

“How do you know? He is the first of his kind, a pure spirit is corruptible.”

“How can he be corrupted when he knows what he feels? She has not forced him to touch her, nor did he force her. But it is his choice.”

“Cole does not know the consequences himself. He will be the death of himself.”

“What do you know!” he shouted, shaking with rage. Out the corner of his eye he spotted Alayne sneaking back into camp hiding behind Iron Bull.

Cole bellowed at his friends. “You talk as if I am a thing Solas, I am me and I know what I feel, I learnt, I understand. I toe darkness everyday being pulled by the fade but I don’t belong. I don’t belong here really. But I love her and you can’t take her from me!”

“Cole.” Alayne’s voice was like a cool balm on his nerves, he turned seeing her returned, her beacon relit. She held her arms open and welcoming beckoning him.

“Alayne” he breathed her name like a prayer wrapping himself around her. “Don’t block me out, don’t leave me!” he wailed.

“I won’t Cole, I won’t.” She comforted stroking his golden locks. “My answer is no, Solas. I love him, if he understands and expresses his consent freely I will not deny these feelings for him. Especially as it’s reciprocated, I’m sure Varric or you would be able to see corruption should it occur.”

 “But Inquisitior it is a risk that should not be taken.”

“It is his choice too. He is not a child.” The pair stared daggers at each other neither willing to back down. Alayne gently encouraged Cole to look at her. “Cole, I love you, more than any other I have met. If you would be my partner and walk by my side, not just in battle I would welcome you gladly.” He looked at her, the fire and sincerity in her eyes made his chest warm. She was real, she saw him and she loved him.

“Yes. I want that.” He replied voice steady, he groaned as he pressed a kiss to her lips. “I love you.” He whispered before he deepened the kiss passionately.

“YES!” hissed the Bull “I think Krem owes me money!”

“I hope you know what you are doing.” Cursed Solas, clearly outnumbered.

“Come Cole, let’s rest.” Alayne led him to the tent as he obediently followed.

 How could he sleep knowing she loved him? He wanted to ask her questions, to tell her the things raging inside him and to practice kissing some more. As they stumbled into the darkness she dragged their bedrolls closer slipping under the furs holding it open for him. Nestling close he could feel her body heat and her heart racing as she held him, the warmth becoming drowsy. “Go to sleep vehnan, I will watch over you.”

“I love you.” He mumbled sleep overwhelming him.

“I love you too.” And he was gone, the fade claiming him. For the first time he dreamed of peace and no demons could be found.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Morning light cut through the open door of the tent waking Cole from his dreamless sleep, the nightmares of the previous night’s kept at bay.  He began to stretch finding the once comforting furs now a sweltering prison.  Kicking the fabric away he felt the instant relief of the morning breeze, a small grumble stirred beside him.  Rolling to his side he stared at Alayne’s prone form, curled up facing him, her beauty highlighted by the morning light.  Her brow furrowed as the cold air licked her skin, stirring her from sleep.  She was beautiful and tempting, drawing close he placed a soft kiss on her lips, her eyes staring into his own.

“I’m sorry!” he acted startled.  “I…you were pretty…”

Alayne smiled threading her fingers through his hair pulling him close and taking him in a less chaste kiss, her hands caressing his cheek as their tongues barely touched.  “Mmmm good morning.” She smiled sleepily, her raven hair a tangled mess.  “How are you?”

“I’m me still, unchanged.  But the pain I was feeling and fear has gone.”

“Good,” she smiled stealing another kiss before climbing from under the covers, her loosened armour giving her room to stretch.  He admired the give and stretch of her muscles and how all these random pieces could come together to make someone like her.  The memories of her body swathed in moonlight still danced in his mind, the softness of her skin and plumpness of her lips.

“You are beautiful.” He stated, for to him it was a fact.

“Thank you,” she kissed him on the nose before leaving the tent.  “I’ll be back soon, when you’re ready come out.” She smiled giving him space.

Cole lay back onto the mat, the blank canvas above, a space to organise his thoughts.  Through the blinding light that was Alayne he could sense the frustration of Solas and the many voices of Varric.  Iron Bull however was quieter than normal focusing on his task.  

Alayne loved him, it wasn’t a dream, she was there and he was wanted.  For the first time since Rhys and Evangeline, he felt real and whole.  She remembered him and wanted him.  Not the spirit, not the old Cole.  Him.  A smile filled his face.  This was joy, this was happiness and he liked the feeling.

Stripping and shaking out the dust from his clothes, he redressed and stepped out into the morning light.

“Good Morning Cole.”

“Solas.” He nodded.  “I’m not angry at you.” He added sensing his friends hurt.  “We have learnt, we have grown, I’m happy.”

“Then I am satisfied, but should you be heading down the path of a demon, I will be forced to intervene.”

“I understand.”

Satisfied Solas no longer hurt he went in search of his comrades unravelling their hurts with his words.  Reloading the cart they continued the journey to Skyhold, Alayne insisting that Cole remained in the cart and rested even when faced with small skirmishes.  Each time he called out to her, she would smile, kissing him briefly on the nose before heading into the fray.  He smiled rubbing each kiss like a present.  It seemed that with permission given, Alayne craved physical intimacy, a touch, a hug or a stolen kiss.  It made him real to her, made her feel wanted.  He was more than willing to give.

As the fortress broke the Skyline, he felt the troupe mentally relax, sanctuary in sight.  Hopping onto the wagon they relaxed as Bull led them home.  He fiddled with a loose thread on Alayne’s shoulder guard as she curled into his arms.  

“Cole,”

“Yes?”

“Will you continue to stay in the tavern loft?” she swung her legs idly off the wagon.  “Or would you like to stay with me?” she muttered, her voice barely a whisper as she buried her face into his chest her cheeks reddening.

“To stay with you?”

“Yes, as a place to sleep, or rest.  To get away from things.”

“I…I…don’t know.  I never thought about it before.” He mulled over the idea.  A warmth and fear lodged in his chest.  To be surrounded by her, he scent, her presence, both thrilling and intoxicating.  He could reach out and touch her at will, they could be alone together away from prying eyes.  But what is she wanted more?  What if he wanted more?  Flashes of Varric’s novels flashed through his mind, their own fleeting touches.  Each time he explored he wanted more.  Varric said it was normal, but how could it be?  To crave something so much that it consumes your whole.  Where would he begin and she end?

“Da’len?” she looked up at him expectantly.  “Do not worry.  Perhaps it is too early, I just…never mind.  Whenever you are ready.”

He sighed releasing a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding as relief flooded his veins.  

“Thank you.” The words heavy on his tongue.  “I love you.”

“And I you.” She smiled relaxing into his grasp.  

 

Though their return to Skyhold was triumphant and the parties lasted well into the night, life quickly returned to normal.  As soon as he was well Alayne took him out on missions, the feel of daggers in hand brought him strength and small deeds brought joy as hurts unravelled.  Despite Alayne’s invitation he had still not taken up residence in her chambers.  The loft was safe, he was sure of who he was and what he could be.  Without the gnawing fear of what might be.

Halamshiral was drawing ever closer, he could feel Alayne’s tension.  Much was riding on her success on preserving the Empire against Corypheus through Empress Celene, let alone the presence of Hawke and the Grey Warden.  When she asked him to join her at the ball he agreed without hesitation, if he could help, he would be at her side.  He only hoped that would be enough.

Flitting from hurt to hurt, he scoured Skyhold for things to give him purpose, to be useful.  Plums and turnips, he felt the hurts heal and when Alayne questioned him about it, he felt her pride for the little kindnesses that matched his larger actions.  However his purpose did not mean he could elude Josephine and her dressmaker forever.

“Now Cole, please do just stay here for a little while.  Just while the Inquisitor finishes.” He liked Josephine, she worked hard but needed to rest more.  Perhaps a salve to warm her wrists and ease the ache from her letters.  He hummed little tunes that the children liked and reminded the cook of home until the latch on the door unclicked and Alayne stumbled out.  She seemed weary, her eyes downcast until she met his gaze, instantly brightening.

“I didn’t think clothes would hurt you?” he mumbled as she sat next to him on the bench.

“It is not the cloth, but the stares da’len, the whispers and the looks.  Plus it is ultimately dull, being made to stand still for clothing that has no use beyond looking pretty.”

“Cloth doesn’t mind being what it is.  It’s useful.” 

“You can sense how it feels?”

“It was once living.”

“How about your clothes?”

“Their song has long since gone.” He blushed tucking his hat further down.

“Alright Inquisitor where is the abomination?”  Vivienne’s demeanour still cold to the spirit.

“His name is Cole and I will not have you refer to him as such Vivienne.”

“Perhaps.  Come now demon and let’s get this done.” The enchantress returned to the room.  Standing Alayne pulled him to his feet, pushing his hat back revealing his blush.

“Ignore her love, you are not a demon.” She kissed his cheeks, pulling him into a hug.  “Don’t let her get to you.  Would you like me to stay?"

"I..." In truth he was conflicted, he missed her company, her touch, but he knew she had many burdens that needed her attention, but he wished it was him.  Would it be alright to be selfish even a little?  "Yes...please?" 

Alayne smiled following him into the fitting room, the tabletops covered in rich fabrics and a small podium in the centre of the room.  

"Such a small stage, but many players." He mused.  "The ribbon, he would like it, silver, regal yet demure, a powerful message but well within the game."

The dressmaker stood blankly.  A stare as much as orlesian masks would allow.  "Just so." He replied moments later.

"Darling please keep your pet on a leash."

"Not my pet, Vivienne, Cole.  A spirit of compassion, if you must refuse his name."

"Would the young man remove his clothes and stand on the pedestal, I will need his measurements."  

Cole slowly began to disrobe, belts and clothing given to Alayne, hi hat firmly in place.  

"Your pet looks almost sickly." Quipped Vivienne.  "He could do with some sunlight."

"First ray of sunlight, freedom though with rules.  Able to breathe, safe, safe."  Alayne squeezed his hand in warning, Vivienne stood still eyes narrowed.  "There will always be windows, the bars are under your control.  Sorry."  He mumbled, fingers curling around Alaynes as she stroked his palm.

"Excuse me." Vivienne retaining her decorum.

"Arms up young man." Prompted the dressmaker, and he obeyed.  Alayne stepping away so he could comply with the intructions.  Hurts and images flooded his mind, the fabric and contact of the tailor making it difficult to concentrate.  He tried to contain his thoughts the annoyance of the tailor was sharp in his mind.  With nowhere to hide his fingers danced against the air, weight shifting uncomfortably.

Cool hands pressed against his temples, calmness trickling through his thoughts like a water quelling the fire.  The soothing touch moved to his cheeks, he gasped in pleasure at the feeling of serenity washing over him.  Fingers traced lower pressing over his shoulders and heart, each time pausing.  The coolness of the hands slowly matching his temperature.

"Breathe with me." Alayne muttered hands pressed against his shoulders.  Quiet words and gentle breaths, the world began to still, his hands slowing, mind calming.  Still.  Emerald eyes bore into his concern and worry evident, the dexterous rogue balanced precariously on the podium.  

"Thank you." 

"You're welcome," she smiled relieved, her balance wavering for a fraction, he grabbed her around the waist pulling her against him, marvelling again at how she fit against him, like a missing piece of a puzzle.  Feeling content he drew her closer, arms gripping and face nuzzled against her neck, it was right, they were whole and he relaxed, breath ghosting against her neck, a soft moan escaping her lips.  Lips pressed against her skin he wanted to hear her again.  She wanted him, her feelings a whirlwind, a blaze that he welcomed.

"Cole," she moaned, fingers running through his hair tugging slightly.  "I...ah!" She squeaked, mouth sucking her pulse point.

"I'm sorry, I thought it would feel nice...pleasure, marked, mine.  I'm sorry, it's red."

Q"I liked it da'len, it was a surprise." Alaynes face flushed, both aroused and flushed.  She leant forward on tiptoe breath ghosting against his neck mimicking him, electricity jolting through his body as her lips made contact with his skin, his fingers tangling into raven locks, travelling over her back grasping for a base as she sucked.  Muffled cries welled up inside, he wanted, wanted and craved to feel her mouth on his chest, his fingers his mouth, his cock.  A wanton moan broke through his lips, he felt different, his flaccid penis oddly erect,  was this what desire did?

Alayne smiled warm and loving.  He wasn't sure if it was he or Alayne that closed the gap, but when their lips met everything else melted away.  Bodies pressed together, how they reach the floor he doesn't know, her hands guide him, tilting his jaw, nails raking down his bare chest, across his skin tracing every scar and muscles she could find.  He panted the feeling of her overwhelming his senses he ached for her.  Hands clutched at her skin, fingers fumbling at buttons he tears a few, pushing the fabric aside hand able to trace her stomach, breast still covered by her wrap.  His hips pressed between her thighs, why?  It felt so good to grind his stiffness against her, a growl rumbling as he kissed her, tongue tangling with hers.

"Oh Cole." She purred his name as if it were precious.  With a roll of her hips he growled as her mound teased against his straining length as he rocked against her seeking the pleasure each movement gave him.

"Alayne I...oh...it feels like fire in my veins and ...below...so warm."  Alyane's hips rocked as he rutted against her setting him ablaze.

"Can I pleasure you love?" Her nodded mouth opening to speak, but words left him as her hand ghosted over his erection.  

Forehead pressed against hers, with wide eyes he watched as her hand cupped his length gripping gently as she mimicked the movement he had sought against her.  He watched intently as burst of feeling tingled his body, moans leaving his mouth as h Dr hand slipped below his smalls, small hand wrapping around his length, she began to stroke him slowly kissing his forehead as he buried his face into her neck eyes scrunched up.

"Hot, warm, raw, is this what they felt?" His thoughts unable to be contained.  "Wanting, needing, craving more, more, more" he growled.  "This is desire?"  His hips rocked forward into her fist satisfying some need.

"Yes," she kissed his forehead, but to desire the one you love is a good thing, it is an aspect of love, though not all need it to be happy.

"You, what...ah...I want...you...ah...happy." He choked out as she pushed him further, a hand wrapped around hers as he rolled to his back.  "Too much...pressure...ah..." His moans were becoming more audible, hand trying to cup his face.  Hips thrusting into her fist electricity began to jolt through his groin. "Alayne...I...something...I....ahhhh!" He roared, hips thrust in her hand as thick stripes of liquid came from him, sticky against his skin, comfort filling his mind but he felt tired.  "That was...that was...thank you." His breathing slowed.  Soft footfalls and soft fabric against sensitive skin as Alayne cleaned his stomach.  "That was new." He mumbled dazed as she righted him, something had dramatically changed but yet remained the same.

"I love you Cole." She smiled, helping him sit up on the podium.  "Are you well?"

"Yes, thank you, but I didn't do something."

"You don't have to every time, sometimes it is about doing something to make someone else happy.  Hopefully you feel better."  There was a sharp rapping knock on the door.  

"Inquisitor are you ready to resume?" The curt voice of the tailor called out.

Alayne turned to call out but was silenced by a hand around her mouth.

"Please, more time if you would.  The merchant has a jewel that would match her eyes, she would love it."  He called Alayne's eyes wide in surprise as footfalls moved away and his lips took hers once more. "I want to pleasure you, like you did for me.  I need...I want to see you and learn."

Alayne regarded him with wonder as he took her lips, her shirt still open he caressed and gently squeezed her breasts, their softness still surprising as he touched and squeezed noticing the stiff peak.  

"Pinch them"'she begged demonstrating for him and he gladly followed, her moans spurring him on.  "Undo my breeches, take them off." Her voice breathy as he complied rushed fingers on laces, tugging away the cloth, her smalls damp.

"Why?" He marvelled fingertip tracing he slit.  "It's wet.  Is that good?" His wide eyes makes her giggle.

"In this case yes.  Normally no, it is dry, but when a woman is aroused she gets wet, it helps prepare her for sex.  Either she stimulates it or a in this case her partner." She blushed realsing no one had explained this to him.

"Why?"

"Otherwise it hurts and isn't pleasurable."

"Then it's good, I did that.  I made you feel good." He felt warmth blossom as if he had healed a hurt.  "How can i do more?"

"Like this." He focused intently as Alayne guided his fingers to her sensitive areas, her swollen clit and entrance he explored each with fervour, groaning how her walls clamped around him when he slid a finger inside her or how she bucked and moaned against him as he slid them in and out like she instructed.  Her skin became flush, the pink creeping over her whole body.  He marvelled as her pupils dilated his name called and praised as he circled her clit while his finger fucked her.

"Fenhedis!" She screamed as she came undone, her back arching as she clamped hard on his fingers, her light brighter and s her whole body screamed of life.  Gently he withdrew his fingers from her, cleaning and redressing her like she had do for him (despite his state of undress.) "thank you." She kissed him warmly, as the door to the room slammed open.

"Is that demon still not finished" hissed Vivenne, freezing when she saw the lovers wrapped around each other, Cole trying to hide Alaynes shirt that hung open loosely due to his roughness.  Thunder lashed out towards him, he rolled them as Vivienne swore his death for manipulating the Inquisitor so.  He hissed, tears filling his eyes as her magic scorched his skin, but Alayne was safe.

"STOP!" Alayne yelled in warning, the green fade magic of her palm crackling with power.  "If you continue, Creators help me I will tear the fade asunder right here and leave you to deal with true demons.  Stow your magic!"  Vivienne continued to stare down the other woman, his back wet with the wound.  The sound of footsteps slapping against the stone and shouts of her soldiers filling her view.  Vivienne visibly stilled understanding the situation and position she was in.

"I do not approve." She hissed storming out.

"Join the fucking queue!" Bellowed Alayne as a scout barrelled in.  "Go and get Solas now!" She roared as the stench of his burn filled his nostrils and he felt himself getting light headed.  "Cole, love, stay with me!"

Her shouts grew dimmer as his sight faded to black.


	7. Dancing when you can't hear your feet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Halamshiral

Pain was the first sense to return to him, a dull ache that was constantly tugging at his nerves.  Then there was the heat, and fragrances and half formed dreams, but he remembered the hurt.

He remembered the agony on his skin, Alayne’s roar of fury and Vivienne’s icy disgust, so many hurts caused by him...how could he be called compassion?  Alayne would probably chastise him, Vivienne’s hate not something he could fix, but with Alayne?  For the moments of happiness there were moments of pain, in seeking one the other was not far behind.  It was all confusing.

Light began to creep into the darkness in patches behind his eyelids, control seeming to return to his body, voices were muffled in the background, hurts of others returning to him.  His tongue was dry, sticking to the roof of his mouth.

“Water” he coughed.  "Please"

“Cole!” Alayne cried out from somewhere nearby, the mattress by his side dipping as a cool glass pressed against his lips.  “Thank Mythal you’re awake.”

He drank greedily from glass, brows knitted in concentration, his eyes still felt heavy, to open them was a struggle.  Green eyes met his own, the familiarity of Alayne beside him easing a knot within.  Across the room, The Iron Bull leaned forward from his seat on the couch, his battle axe at hand.

“ _Thank God he’s awake, Boss might sleep now, or at least not murder half the court._ ” he mumbled, the words unbidden.  “Why would you murder them?” he asked.

“Asleep for three days and Bull’s thoughts are the second thing you say!” Alayne sighed dramatically.  “And I’m not going to kill anyone, I’m just angry and worried." She intertwined her fingers with his.

"Thank you." He smiled weakly.  He was injured leading her to hurt, but still she worried and cared for him.  "What of Vivienne?"

"For now she is confined to her quarters, I can't simply tear her apart like I want to."

"Or tried to." Muttered Bull.  Alayne flicked him a glare.

"She has agreed to stay apart in order to save face. Bull is here in case anything happens when I'm gone."

"Speaking of which Boss, don't you have to see the council...about now."

"Shit, you're right." She cursed withdrawing, his hand automatically reaching to follow her.  "I'll return soon da'len. Bull keep him safe." She ordered hurrying out of the room.

  
Eyes co-operating once again, he noticed the disordered state to Alayne’s usually tidy living space.  Clothes were tossed to the side, her bow and arrows propped up at the end of the bed.  Papers covered the bed and floor as he met the calculating stare of Bull looming over him.

"Here, eat up.  Varric says it's your favourite.". He offered him a bowl of strawberries and apples.

"Thank you, The Iron Bull."

"Tell me Cole, what do you feel?  About the others."

He pondered the request as he nibbled on the fruit, his heart searching for the hurts and pain of his companions.

" _Stupid girl, doesn't see the danger under the innocence, claws sheathed in velvet still can cut...She says he is safe, but she is blind.  Love has made her so._ "

"Vivienne"

" _A spirit and a Herald.  Can he hear what she wants in bed, does he repeat what he says aloud?_  I don't know The Iron Bull." He chuckled.  "Everyone is worried.  Monster or man, the Herald chose a boy, even the Qunari would be better!  Sorry." He mumbled.

"Not all of it is a bad hurt, it shows you are cared for.  But others will condemn or outright attack you both.  Are you prepared to fight for her?  Even if it hurts?"

"I...I...don't know."

"Think on it.  It's going to be a choice you need to make soon."

"Thank you.' He smiled, his friend was right.

"What did she do to piss of Vivienne into action?"

“We touched, it was like fire, consuming.  It felt good but not enough.  She made me come, blinding white and explosive, like the red headed maids who you chase.  I touched her till she fell apart into pieces, kisses brought her back."

"Shit kid, making a woman come?  Good work." the larger Qunari clapped him on the back.

"The Iron Bull?  Why does it feel like I need more?  Am I being possessed?"

"Nah, it's the birds and the bees. Your body knows what it wants even if you don't.”

"How do I know what I want?"

"Life experiences, reading or just feeling what's right for you and see if your partner likes it too.  If not then well you talk about it and try again."

"Should I ask her or will she get angry like the Chantry mother you..."

"It won't upset her if you're honest kid.  That woman was just rubbing me up all wrong.”

"I see.".

"Now rest up kid.  Mull on it."

 

——

Halamshiral was grander than he expected, so much gold and marble.  Opulent, vibrant, yet underneath there was an undercurrent of blood and lies, hidden underneath their shining masks.  It was overwhelming, so many hurts, hidden by other hurts.  They wore faces behind their faces and it was all too much.  He absconded to the Library balcony as he watched the Inquisitor bewitch the court.  Alayne looked magnificent, wrapped in the red dress uniform, it was elegant and cut well to her figure, far more functional than was previously planned.  She had purposefully left the gown Vivienne had commissioned behind, one of the many slights she had enacted on the Enchanter in vengence.

He watched with fascination as Alayne scurried between the nobles, keeping them placated while conducting her own investigation.  

When she came through the library, they stole a kiss.  It began sweet and chaste the fire he kept to a simmer, but as her hands ran through his combed back hair it caught once more.  Pressing her between the balcony and him, he relished the little gasp as he sat her on marble rail, pulling her closer against himself.  The press of her against his cock made him whimper into the kiss, her tongue seeking entrance as his fingers danced across her hips.

“Ar lath ma Cole, but I must go Josephine warned me against being gone too long.”

“It’s safer here.  I want…” he started, the fear in his gut raised once more.  “I… I… want to touch more.  It feels good, I like it.”

“I want that too…” she purred her nose running along his chin.  “Will you save me a dance later?”

“I don’t know if I can, it’s hard, you have to listen with so many parts of you.  But I will… try.”

“Thank you.”

____

Florienne and Celene were dead with Gaspard and Briala pushed into an alliance.  Yet still the party went on, the Game still in play and new alliances were being made for both sides of the throne.  Yet Alayne was nowhere to be found, he searched for her amongst the revellers and on the battlefield yet she was nowhere he expected her to be.  Fears bubbled to the surface, what if she was hurt?  What if the game took a piece?  Maybe she didn’t want him?

He stopped surprised, these hurts were new and loud.  His own.

“Cullen, have you seen Alayne?” he asked startling the Commander surrounded by his own nightmares.  

“Ah Cole.  I believe she went to the balcony to speak with Morrigan.” He pointed ahead.

“Thank you Cullen.   _Hands grasping, seeking trying to take their pound of flesh.  Trapped in velvet, unsafe._  Do not stay Commander, the power is in your hands.  You are strong enough.”

“I… Thank you Cole.” The Commander nodded as the youth took his leave.

Passing unseen towards the balcony the Empress’s Mage passed him.  Her hurts bristled hidden behind walls bound with chains and coated with feathers to try and soften their edges.  He would think on her problem for a while.

He found Alayne hunched over the balcony, head rested on her forearms, her breathing slow and laboured.  She looked so small in that moment, as if being squashed by the burdens she carried.  He needed her to know she was safe and strong and magnificent.  She startled as his arms wrapped around her, wrapping himself like a blanket and wall between her and the world.  He nuzzled against her knowing it brought comfort, her head raised and turned to rest against his own, her hands gripping his arm.

“Alayne.” Her name escaped as a whisper.

“Cole, you found me.” She smiled softly, her expression perking up.

“All will be well Alayne, the game still spins even though the pieces change.  But many were saved tonight.  You are safe tonight.”

“Thank you Cole.  Did you find any hurts you could heal?” his breath hitched as she turned in his embrace her body pressing against his.  

“Some, but it was hard, I think I did more harm than good.”

“Still we can always try again, you work so hard love.” She praised her lips pressing against his cheek.

“Thank you,” he gave her a coy smile.  “Alayne.” He lifted her chin to look at him tears forming in her eyes.  With gentle kisses he took them away before pressing against her lips.  “Do you still want to dance?”

“If you are happy to.” She perked up again.

“Yes, but I’m not sure how.”

“Place your hands here and here.” She directed his hands to her hips.  “There are more complex dances but this is enough.”

“What do I do with my feet?”

“We don’t have to move much we can just sway and be close.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, he liked how it brought her close to him and allowed him to look at her closely. He smiled as she balanced on tiptoes, their height difference made him feel big and strong, like a warrior, it felt enough to protect her despite his own slight frame. Though at times he felt as if she could see straight through him into the darkness.

“I like this.” He swayed with her, his hips pressing into hers guiding her to a different rhythm, following his own song.  “I like being with you.”

“And I you.” She smiled.

For a moment they were content in their own world, the Inquisition, Vivienne, all of their troubles were just a faded glimmer in their mind.  Swept away in their moment she pulled him down and kissed him.  He gladly melted into his touch wrapping around him tighter his own grip keeping her firmly in place.

“Oh Inquisitor.  I…” Josphine’s cheerful voice broke their kiss. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise.”

“It’s quite alright Josie.” But Alayne made no effort to move away from him.  In fact she gripped him tighter.  “What did you want.”

“Duke Gaspard has requested your presence for talks with Briala.”

“Very well I’ll be there shortly.” She sighed cuddling into his touch.  “Will you come to my room later?  Just this once, I think I will need a hug after all of this.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” Her departing kiss remained warm against his lips for hours later.

——

 Cole frustrated by his uniform had removed the dress jacket and sat in the plain undershirt and trousers. The candles had all but burned out by the time Alayne returned, her shoulders once more slumped and weary.  He was by her side in a moment as she locked the door behind her.  Her smile as she saw him  was the only sign he needed to know he had done the right thing.

“I missed you.” He kissed her cheek, “I kept the bath warm.”

“That… that would be marvellous.” He took her hand and led her to the side of the tub.  “Will you join me?”

“Can I…?  I mean…no I shouldn’t…but…I want to…”

Alayne reassured him with a smile.  “Join me.”

“That…that would be nice.” he replied, removing the blue sash from over her neck dropping the silken fabric on the floor, his hands went to work of the intricate silver buttons, as she rested her head on his shoulder. He ran his hands up her stomach and chest under the fabric pushing the jacket off her shoulders letting it fall to the ground.

Once free from the heavy fabrics he stepped back admiring her lithe form.  She was a goddess, beauty personified.  With ease he lifted her gently placing her into the tub, the warm water soaking his own clothes.  With less grace he tore at his own clothes, the fire of her gaze, making him blush.  He felt the hunger within him begin to stir again, wanting to touch and explore her body.  The water did little to diminish and hide her beauty, it was like being in the lake once more.

“Who gave you this?” Alayne asked leaning from the tub, her finger tracing the waist of the briefs.  

“Dorian, he said I had to look pretty.  He put wierd stuff in my hair too.”

“Well you certainly do look handsome.”

“Yours were pretty too.”

“Josephine had a hand in that I must say.” She blushed.

Cole clasped her hand between his own, he didn’t understand why, but he was afraid.  She was safe, the threat was destroyed, they couldn’t be hurt.  But they could couldn’t they?  Even their friends were trying to tear them apart.  He nuzzled against her, the feeling of her skin against his cheek almost bringing him to tears.  How could they be safe? How? How?  

“Come back to me love?” she smiled pulling him into a kiss.  “This is real, this is the moment.  Don’t let it cloud you.” She pulled forward making room behind her, he stepped in relishing the heat and his lover.

Did she know he felt safest when he held her like this?  His anchor.  

A comfortable silence stretched before them, her head nestled against his chest, just existing in a bubble of the two of them.  His fingers drawing patterns on her stomach,her fingers traced the freckles of his arms.  Gradually the warmth began to dim from the water and their touch tried to replace it.  She laughed as he found her ticklish spots as he caressed the cleansing balm into her skin, he had begged when she returned the favour finding his sides very sensitive.  She purred as his long fingers caressed her scalp cleaning her hair, his mouth and tongue tracing the shell of her ears, her expressions fascinating him.

Tongues traced skin, teeth nipped, hands caressed.  He was filled with her, in heart, mind and soul.  He strangled a moan as her fingers wrapped around his cock, teasing at first just soft touches, slow strokes, a slow burn through his chest, he moaned as his head fell back the delicious tension beginning to grip his heart.  Yet she pleasured him slowly drawing out each exquisite feeling, he wanted, no wanted to do the same.  He began with her neck leaning forward to kiss the soft skin at the nape of her neck, trailing kisses down to over her heart, his kiss lingering over her heart.  Her gentle moans guiding him, her own song bright despite not being able to hear her.  His left hand dipped between her thoughts tracing the wetness with his thumb before tracing soft circles against her clit as his mouth began to work on her breast, the other hand stroking her back reassuringly.  Each touch was reverent, she was the air in his lungs and the fire in his veins.

 

“You're cold.” He purred, the soft breath teasing her moist skin.  Untangling their limbs they stepped from the bath kneeling closer to the fire.  Each limb in hand he dried her, kisses following as she laughed and moaned beneath him.  As he sat in the armchair (Vivienne would be livid, soap on silk!) she did the same before straddling his lap, their hands eagerly returning to their task with more hunger and need, his finger entered her soaked folds his finger curled and making her gasp his name as he worked him harder.

 

Alayne was the first to break, the her mouth open in a silent scream as she gasped for air a blinding mix of pleasure bordering pain as he eased her through, she called his name as she nuzzled his neck desperate to keep him close.  His own orgasm swiftly approaching seeing her own.

 

“Alayne stop, you’ll get messy again!” He wailed desperately holding control, his hands gripping against her skin as he slid to the floor, his hands covering his face and gripping the are as her warm wet mouth wrapped around his cock, her tongue working his skin.  “Alayne I...you...argh...please...you shouldn't.”  Small fingers intertwined with his her thumb tracing the soft skin between finger and thumb.  She wanted to for him.  He nodded eyes focused on her as she bobbed up and down, her tongue wrapping and teasing, it wasn't long till he came the White light blinding him as he called her name with a shout, her eyes closed as he felt her swallow, tongue teasing his softening cock.

 

Wordlessly she scooped some water cleaning her face and rinsing her mouth before leading him by the hand to bed, wrapped around each other he sought her warmth as she traced the freckles on his chest, their heartbeats as one.

 

A sharp knocking on the door woke Cole, sleep still light and new rose, loosely lacing his dress trousers, not bothering with a shirt he knew who was outside.

 

“ _ Maker did I wake them, no this is ridiculous, I shouldn't be bothering them, even if he's there I shouldn't… I… _  Good Morning Cullen.” He smiled opening the door to an anxious Cullen, a wooden plate in his hands.

 

“Cole, good morning...ah,” he reddened at Coles state of undress he could feel the older mans discomfort.

 

“I'll get dressed…”. Cole turned but was pulled back.

 

“It is no matter, I just wanted to deliver some food and inform you that we will be delayed an hour leaving, I need to check my troops again, I believe the inquisitor could use the rest.  Here some breakfast.”

 

“Thank you Cullen!”  Alayne faintly called from the room, a smile growing to replace Cullen's doubts.

 

“Enjoy, and Cole.”  Cullen rubbed his neck again, anxious once more.  “Thank you, for last night.  You were right.  I know there is tension towards you both, but If I can be of any service…”

 

“Thank you Cullen, Uldred marked you, but didn't make you. You stayed you."   
  


“Th-thank you.  Enjoy your hour.”

 

Warm arms wrapped around his waist, the touch of Alaynes lips to his back brought a shiver to his spine, his mouth open slightly as she tugged him back inside the heavy wooden door slammed shut.

 

“Now Da’len.” Alayne purred.  “How shall we spend our hour?”

 

Breakfast could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to update, this chapter has been rewritten so many times until I was happy with it. Back in a writing phase once more, hopefully I will updating others more often.
> 
> Thank you for your patience and this is not dead! I hoped you enjoyed it. Please let me know if you liked it!


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